I Long to Breathe / Don't Look at Me

I Long to Breathe
I find it difficult to breathe when you are around,
I choke and suffocate yet never make a sound.
You exhale toxic fume that poisons my delight,
But I’m afraid of confrontation and putting up a fight.
Spew your negativity,
Scream your hateful words,
Continue on your rampage, on your heedless “holy” war.
Expel all that pent up rage,
Spill it all on me.
One day I’ll find the courage to fly myself free,
Out from your cage of darkness,
The one with cold bars,
Made of shame and guilt and inability.
I’ll breathe in joy one day, I’ll breathe in love and peace,
When I free myself from your subjection and selfish lack of responsibility.



Don't Look at Me
Some people run through life excited
Some dance with joy unhindered
Some frolic in fields of beauty
But…
      …I…
                      ...I...
                                               I tiptoe in shadows
                                               I limp through the darkness
                                               I coweringly crawl across life
                                               In fear of being seen and

        Criticized
                               Blamed
    Abused      

            Because if I’m noticed
            There will be nothing kind to say
            So I keep my life under lock and key
            No one can criticize what no one can see


I feel like singing once in awhile
I feel like laughing too
But no, here comes the happiness patrol
            To bring doom …
                        …and gloom,
                                      To rain on my parade.
                                             To extinguish the joy that was mine to convey
[Sigh]

        I wish I could escape those eyes
        The ones that haunt my every step
        That make stop and hold my breath
        The ones that make me feel so weary
        Exhausted and sometimes teary.
        I wish I could escape those eyes
        With their ridiculing cries
        And their destructive lies.
        They live in a mausoleum
        They live in a perpetual tomb
        A never-ending funeral,
        Presided by hounding demons.
       They leave me caged in gloom.

                                              Why do you wish to drag me down
                                                To your pessimistic abode
                                                  The dark murky road
                                                     Where your thoughts like to roam?

         Just let me alone!

                                                Dwell where you wish...
                                                                                         Continue as a pessimist...
But I wish to dance in the sun
To sing, to laugh, to have fun.
To live out my days
Free from that chilling gaze
From harassing thoughts of past mistakes
Safely away from erosive haze

    But those eyes--
    Those eyes!
    Gleaming orbs of evil ploys,
    Wishing my soul with misery to annoy.
    They see my joy
    And in jealousy they seek to destroy
    All form of excellency, to replace with misery
    An emptiness, a counterfeit, a decoy,
    A conjured and fabricated atrocity.
                                                             Hiding in the darkness, looming in the mire
                                                             Extending from the shadows
                                                             Lurks their calculating gaze
                                                            
                                                                a sharpened edge of jealousy
                                                                 tainted eyes of bitter greed
                                                                 those eyes that curse with envy.
                                                                       a cold bitterness of abhorrence
                                                                       ritually permeates the mind
                                                                      manipulative thoughts of insufficiency.

                                                        Those                   
                                                                    Eyes
                                                                                Keeping a grudge against all mankind

                              Those ever watchful eyes

                                                                             Intent on indulging in misfortune
                                                                             So full of
                                                                             a poverty of amity
                                                                             a maddened frenzy
                                                                             a voice of negativity

                                                               They want the world a dismal place
                                                               Void of banter and frolicking
                                                               Forever mourning what cannot be
                                                             
                    For those eyes
                       Have never learned to see with grace.


                 Your negativity spills out uncontrolled
                 A headache of puddled gloom
                 Still amassing on the floor
                 A nasty mess, poisonous to the soul
                 Left for me to slosh through
                 I feel so weary. I don’t want this anymore.
                 I’m tried of hearing your complaining
                 Your whining is so very draining
                A perpetual dripping in the back of my mind

I wish I could stay away from those peering eyes
The ones that haunt me and criticize
                                   
                                            And so that is why
                                                                                          Somewhere deep inside
                                                                                          Is where I like to hide


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